Oh, gosh.... I leave for a week and great things happen!

I have been INSANELY busy. And do you know what happened while I was gone? I got TWO AWARDS! :) It seriously has made my morning. My day, even!! But the thing is, I have to leave in 10 minutes and I won't be home until 10:30 tonight, after class.
I'll have to learn how to go accept it. I've been trying to figure out how to tag people in a post so that you can click on it and get to their blog... people gave me instructions, and I've googled it, but blogger seems to suck just a wee bit much!!
So when I have some time in a couple days, I'm gonna figure this out. You ladies rock. Thank you SO much!

In other news, I am exhausted, but well. I spent the whole holiday weekend catching up on dangerously foul dishes, laundry, and shoving my nose in my schoolbooks. Oh, and a bit of gym-going, too :) I got a gift certificate to Target from my job, and I bought a fitness ball with it. I'm excited about the new possibilities! It's a turning point for me; I'm a shopping fanatic. Clothes, shoes, jewelry; you give me an excuse, and I'll blow money like nobody's business. The fact that I chose to spend it on my health has made me super-happy with myself.

I'm so sorry that I've been absent, but I can't tell you this isn't what it's gonna be like all semester! I'll get here when I can. I read your blogs on my break at work - which always energizes me. For some reason, my employer has blocked the ability to POST somehow. Oh, well. It just makes sure I have time to read up on all of you wonderful women!!

Due to the holiday, my weight loss meeting on monday was cancelled; so no weigh in this week. It's a good thing, though, because I wasn't an angel this weekend! I had a kids meal from McDonald's one day; and a big family lasagna dinner the other. It was delicious, and I don't regret a minute of that dinner! (The McDonald's... not so much). My mother in law even made brownies with black beans to try to make a healthier dessert for me. It was so sweet; and surprisingly yummy.

Well, it's that time. 8 hours of office work, followed by 45 minutes at the gym, followed by 30 minutes for dinner, 4 hours of class, and then HEAD HITS PILLOW!!!!

(is it bad that I'm already excited to go to sleep tonight?)

This is gonna be bleeping HARD.

Rude awakening: week one of Operation New Amy complete. Full time work (actually, OVERTIME this week, first week of 12 credits of classes (and they each said they assign an hour of homework for each day of the week), and new goals at the gym. I've gone straight from work, to the gym, to school every day. Or to the library if I didn't have class. I'm gonna be one sleepy puppy this semester.
It's going well, for the most part; but GEESH. These kids are babies at my community college. And they take notes on PHONES. I, on the other hand, just bought my first MP3 player 2 weeks ago. A friend told me they were now on MP4's and I believed him... totally asked the guy at Best Buy about it. At least he got his laugh for the day.
On the health side of things, I'm good! My weigh in on Monday was 205.25. The week before it was 206.75, so it's only 1/25 lbs - but I'll take it! I'm putting on muscle as well through my strength training. The important thing is that I can SEE the difference in the way my clothes fit.
What's your body type? I was always very CURVY on my bottom half, and small and trim on top. Bootylicious, you might say. Well, at about the 180 mark, I started putting it on in places I wasn't used to; my belly, my boobs, my arms. At about 200, it starts ALL going straight to the belly. So that's the first thing that's been shrinking. Score!
I've been to the gym every day this week, but tuesday I only walked for 20 minutes. Yesterday I pushed myself farther than I have yet - 33 minutes on the arc trainer. I burned 400 freakin' calories on that thing. I'm an animal!!!
Anyhow, I don't know that I'll be able to blog regularly... but I'm reading your posts every couple days. It's my break from my hectic new life....

so thank you for that, my blogging girlies. :)

Getting My Life Back

I feel like I've turned a page and fallen into the person I used to be. I've made several changes in my life, and it's been amazing.

1. going back to school.
-I'm thinking of myself again. Since I got married, my mindset has always been "Lets get him through school". I've recently realized that I can't live for him. I can't even live for us. I have to live for myself, in order to be the happiest I can be. In the end, that IS what is best for us.

Here are the biggest three changes I've made:

2. joining a gym
-My first goal was to lose weight; but I've already learned so much more through it. I've learned to push myself further than I have in a long time. I'm getting past that invisible wall I've put up. I also feel GREAT. I have so much more energy. I've been sleeping better, too!
3. changing my eating patterns
-I eat when I'm hungry. Truly hungry. If that means having a snack an hour after lunch, I do it. If it means going through a day without snacks, I do that too. But I don't just eat because "it's time". It's helping me realize how often I ate food simply for the pleasure of it. Now, when I'm hungry, I'm alright with eating a big salad; because as long as I get food in me, I'm happy. I realize that that is backwards from most people; but I'm an odd duck.

Today was great. I woke up full of energy, and kept going all day long! I dropped the hubby off at work, went and bought his school books for him (his work hours and the bookstore hours clashed), shopped at Dollar General, did my school shopping at the supermarket, picked up some fresh fruit at an orchard on the way home, cleaned the apartment top to bottom, locked the keys in the car, and went to dinner with two old friends from high school.

Yes, I locked the keys in the car. They are still in the car. We can't find the spare. I'm gonna have to fork out the dough for a locksmith. Blech. My friend and I had planned on going to a speakeasy tonight, but an old friend just moved back to Michigan, and we had dinner instead. No biggie; dinner was wonderful, and the speakeasy will be there another day!!

I've decided to set some goals for myself. These goals are for the next 3 months.

1. Work out at least 3 days a week (resistance training and cardio)
2. eat ice cream no more than 3 times a month, and even then, eating a correct portion (this is a hard one for me)
3. run 1 mile without stopping

I'd like to run a 5k by next fall. I say next fall, because I don't think I'll be ready this fall, and I adore fall. It seems like the perfect time for such a huge feat! I could be ready this fall if I wanted, but I don't want to dive right into training for a 5K. I have other physical goals I want to work on first.

I'm high on life. Seriously.

Finding Myself Again

I'm on cloud nine these days... seriously.

I have no idea if I'm even really losing weight - but I feel good, and that's a bigger deal to me. Last night, I had a one time meeting with a personal trainer. She did some tests, and gave me some tips. She trained me on all of the resistance machines at my gym.

32% body fat. Yuck.

But I did the training last night, and I went to the gym today, as well. I did 25 minutes of resistance training, along with 25 minutes on the arc trainer. I hit that same wall at about the 10 minute mark. WOW... it hurt. But I just kept going. And I was so excited and proud at the end... and COVERED in sweat. I don't remember the last time I actually worked so hard that I sweated like that.

FYI -

When I say I don't need to eat as much as I've been reading, I just mean that I want to focus on other things. I'm still eating probably about 1200-1400 calories a day. Oatmeal, salads, lean protein, veggies, brown rice, etc. My cravings are actually going away. I think it's because I'm so excited!! Lately I've been craving smoothies... and that's a craving I've happily indulged :)

On the marital side, things are going better. I'm cautiously optimistic. We're both working on our own lives, which seems to be helping our life together. I'm working on my health, and spending more time with friends. He's spending more time pursuing hobbies and his own friends. We've been enjoying our time together; playing tennis, watching movies, going for walks. This weekend will be fun... Saturday, I'm going to a speakeasy with an old friend of mine (I KNOW! How cool is that?). Hubby is going to an unofficial high school reunion at a brewery. Sunday, we're going up north to spend the day at the lake with my my sister and my grandma.

Yes, today, life is good.

There's a difference between "I can't" and "I don't want to".

I've been absent lately. At first, it was a bad thing. But if morphed into something very interesting.

A few weeks ago, I went hog-wild. I'm talkin' pizza, Dairy Queen, kraft mac n' cheese wild. I weighed myself one day and it told me I was 221 lbs. The nerve! But it stuck with me. Something in me clicked. A lot of the weight came off fast, because it was water weight. But it's been hard. Last week. I was down to 208 bs. This week, 206 lbs. I've been rigid in my eating. Lots of salads; lots of veggies. I joined a gym and I've been GOING.

Today, I learned the difference between "I can't" and "I don't want to." Have you ever really struggled with this line? I have. I tend to give up when the going gets tough. But today, I was at the gym. I climbed onto the elliptical and started a program for 25 minutes. I am seriously out of shape. I haven't done more than 10 minutes at a time since I joined 2 weeks ago; but I was thinking big. At around the 10 minute mark, I felt this insane need to quit. Normally, I would have. I was breathing heavy. My legs burned. I was bored. But I told myself that I didn't NEED to quit. I just wanted to.

An odd thing happened. Around the 20 minute mark, my muscles loosened up. I felt relaxed. I found a rhythm and went steady. At 25 minutes, I stopped because that's what I had planned on; but I could have kept on going.

How often have I quit because things got hard? I think back to the weekend I spent at Sleeping Bear Dunes last month. Husband and I got to the dunes in the morning, and began climbing. At the top of the first big hill, I gave up. It was hot. My legs were killing me. But mostly, the BODY was willing but the SPIRIT was weak. I cried. A lot. I told Husband to keep going. Being a gentleman, he said no way - he'd hang out with me until I was ready. But I didn't want to go. I didn't want people to see me struggling so much. I didn't want to continue asking him to slow down. I didn't want to take it slow. So I didn't do it at all. I sat down in a heap on the sand and dug a hole while he explored. When he returned, I put on a cheery face and we ran down the hill.

I could have done it. It would have been so gratifying to get to the end. But I'm afraid, and so I give up.

I know some people will disagree with me on this, but I've stopped having the obligatory 3 meals + 2 snacks. I've spent every evening going through every diet book I own. The Superfoods Diet, South Beach, Atkins, French Women Don't Get Fat, Skinny Bitch, you name it. And it is mind boggling. How can I possibly eat oatmeal every day, eat eggs, eat yogurt, eat the required protein, eat protein with my fruit at snacks, etc. etc. etc. It's OBSESSIVE. All I do is think about food.

So I've taken a break. I don't need all of that food. People always say "the secret is to eat before you get hungry". I'm sorry... but there is a reason people feel hunger. It makes no sense to me that I would lose weight, and never be hungry. That means I ALWAYS have to eat the right things, at exactly the right time, in order to lose. I think that idea is meant to keep people from binging. If you are never hungry, then it's easier to say no to temptations. But I don't want to have to manipulate myself into not failing. I need to become a person who, when she actually feels a hunger pang, turns to fresh fruit or veggies; who can truly believe that when she is hungry, an entree salad CAN be enough.

I've stuck to the same plan for the past couple weeks. Oatmeal for breakfast, a light lunch (veggies and a protein), dinner of either a big salad with a protein, or a protein+veggie+whole grain combo. I have dessert of some sort to end my day on; a sugar free fudgecicle, some greek yogurt with fresh fruit, or some chocolate milk.

I've been finding little things to find joy in, food-wise. Hubby and I found a small asian noodle restaurant in town. It's a total dive. My bowl of noodle soup had some unexpected tripe in it! But you know what? I had a fabulous time. This place SMELLED of China. The dishes looked the same. The feel was amazing. At the end of the meal, they brought a small dish of some coconut/rice dessert. There was probably only 2 tablespoons in it, but I savored it. I walked away from that meal fulfilled. I only ate about 1/5 of my noodle bowl, so I went home and made myself a salad; but I was so completely satisfied and didn't have a single craving in the world that night.

I bought red bean popcicles at the asian market. I came to ADORE red bean flavored stuff in China. Have you ever tried it? It can take a few tastes to really appreciate it; but it's amazing. The popcicles are not only yummy, but they have beans in them, so they are filling.

I know things will probably change; and I'll have to adapt. But for now, I'm LOVING being able to just live. To not think about food every 2 hours of my life. I feel like a normal person again. I get caught up in things; when I feel hungry, I eat. I start college again on monday. I'm terrified. But I'm prepared for the changes. Bring it on!

My favorite restaurant while living in China was a small hole-in-the-wall Hunan restaurant. A Chinese friend of ours translated the menu into English for us, so that we could order things with our limited Chinese skills. Some of the translations are... a bit inaccurate, but interested nonetheless.

This, folks, is the menu for a TRUE Chinese restaurant. No P.F. Chang's here!

The cake was a success!

They loved the cake. I'm not a complete baking failure, I guess!

Also.. side note... I have a new favorite snack. A cucumber. A whole, peeled, sliced cucumber. Only about 40 calories, and it is so refreshing in the summer. Usually, my issue is not hunger, or even cravings for specific junk foods. I just want to munch... on SOMETHING. I have to say, I've eaten cucumbers in the past days.

Tomorrow we're leaving for an overnight trip to Sleeping Bear Dunes, in Northern Michigan. It's about 3.5 hours away. I'm excited to hike, walk through sand, swim in Lake Michigan, and wander cute shops. It'll be a nice getaway for Hubby and I.

I don't really have much to say, so I'm not gonna bother boring you with useless chatter. Happy Saturday. See y'all tuesday!