Wow, are my feathers ruffled! I read a post today from this lovely lady
and I got to thinking about a lot of times in my life where other people's ignorance has caused me pain regarding my weight.
There are those situations where they can't be blamed. I run into someone from high school and they don't recognize me. When I say who I am, they say something like "wow... you look different." Or a time when an old friend of mine I hadn't seen in awhile asked my best friend, "Is Amy pregnant?".
Being in China brought so many of these situations up. It was absolutely impossible for me to find clothes in my small town. The stores carry nothing over a size 10 - and I'm told a 10 in China is about a 6-8 is here. Sure, I could have packed up and taken the 5 hour bus ride to Shanghai, then shelled out crazy money to shop at western stores; but I didn't. Half of me felt too ashamed; the other felt too lazy.
People in China would often smile at me and call me fat. My students on several occasions would describe what I looked like... to me. "Amy, your hair is so brown. You have beautiful eyes and you are very fat." A good friend I made told me honestly that no man wants a fat girl. She has been told that since childhood.
Then, there are those people who cannot feign ignorance. The jerk that always managed to make it into our circle. One night he told me "Amy, you'd actually be really pretty if you lost weight". Or the group of girls that giggle quietly when you have to pull the size 20 from the back of the rack they are at.
Life sucks sometimes. Sure, healthy living can make a big difference. But sometimes, when you feel so beaten down, you simply do not have the energy to try. It's a vicious circle (Oh my gosh, side note... anyone listen to Dane Cook, Vicious Circle? HILARIOUS). Anyway....
Today was an odd day diet wise.
Breakfast was oats with banana and some honey peanut butter. I got caught up in work and didn't have a mid-morning snack, but I did have a lunch date with some friends. It was wonderful. We went to Olive Garden and I got the soup and salad. I passed on the breadsticks (yes, my heart broke a wee bit) and had a small salad, followed by two helpings of their minestrone soup. According to their website, the whole meal totaled about 400 calories. I'm not sure I should believe it, but I'd like to!
Dinner was a ham and cheese sub from pizza place down the street. Hubby and I wanted to sink our teeth into something, and I decided to throw caution to the wind. Then I added up the calories and realized I had pretty much hit my limit. I finished it off with an ice cold cup of rice milk, and finished the day off with 1450 calories (and very little food to show for it).
I've realized that I just like eating healthy more. I like to EAT! I'd rather sit and eat a huge, heaping plate of veggies and salad than a small sub sandwich. I just need to chew and munch.
Tomorrow I'm getting paid, so I'm officially joining my gym. HOORAY!!!
I'm officially down .5 lbs from monday's weigh in. I'm hoping I can keep that coming. My first mini-goal is to get to 198, which was my lowest weight while in Asia last year. Here is a picture of me in Malaysia during our school's summer break. It's the first time I've posed for a picture and felt confident... in years. I want that again.