Crazy Thoughts...

I'm havin' em! I haven't blogged much - my mind has been preoccupied. And this isn't gonna be a weight loss post. Or a China post.

I've been trying to pick apart the emotions and thoughts I've been having recently. I am not content where I am. Hubby and I are better than we've been in years, we have a nice new apartment, full of good things, and good jobs... and I'm getting restless.

My insides are being torn up and thrown around daily. What is it I'm looking for? What do I want out of life? Out of the next ten years? The next five?

I don't want to work at my office forever. I've tried to tell myself for years that I'll do whatever it takes to get Hubby through school. I've worked full time while he's slowly chipped away at it. But now, I'm feeling antsy.

I'm enrolling in classes again. How many? Depends on what financial aid I get. We're both bored already. We are young, healthy, and adventurous. We just don't belong here yet! Maybe after 5 more years... but for now, we're gonna crank that school out. After that...

Travel?
Peace Corps?
A big move?
jobs we actually love?

Who knows. But I've had enough of telling myself that what I've got is good enough. It just isn't for me anymore. Not when I know that if I put in some dedication and effort, I can actually find fulfillment and meaning in what I am doing with my life. Do I want to have a comfortable life making decent money, but doing something I can't stand? I don't do a good thing at work. I send people who are sick or poor a step closer to collections. I ruin people's financial lives for the sake of a little money.

I want to like my job. I want to make a difference. I want to believe in what I'm doing.

Thus begins a massive overhaul of my life.