Thursday, June 3, 2010

Feeling like a Victim.

It wasn't my fault - I swear.

I was behaving myself.

Instant breakfast and an apple for... breakfast.

A huge salad for lunch - chickpeas, spinach, peppers, black beans, broccoli, cauliflower, salsa...

afternoon snack - two pieces of whole wheat toast with egg salad and some carrots.

Then it happened. Hubby came home with a gift card for Red Lobster. I had a light dinner planned of veggies and an omelet. Instead, we hopped in the car and away we went.

Actual dinner? A baked potato with sour cream, butter, and salt and pepper. Asparagus. And - count 'em - 4 cheddar biscuits. Needless to say, I feel defeated. I feel like there is something inside of me that fights against what I'm trying to do. I felt so good about my eating all day long, then BAM!

When I really think about it, though, I know that I can't blame it on some fantastic "being" that is pushing me away from what I want. I wanted those biscuits. I wanted the extra extra butter.

I know, it doesn't exactly sound like a binge. But that's exactly the problem. I have days where I completely give in. Days where I eat whole boxes of mac and cheese; a whole box of instant pudding; a pint of ice cream. Those days, though, I know I'm guilty. I just wallow in my weakness. Days like today, though, I feel strong. I feel proud. And still, I fall. *sigh* This will be a fight for the rest of my life.

In other news, I've started this blog! People are always telling me I should start one. Something about me being funny or something. Anyway, now I've done it. What kind of blog is this going to be? I honestly don't know. What I DO know is that I love food blogs. I love learning about nutrition. And that I'm a woman who struggles with her weight. After living in China for a year, I've returned home to Michigan with a new outlook on life. I am woman. Hear me roar!

Today was a good one. Watched some SVU on netflix. Man, I have a sick addiction to that show. I just WANT TO BE A PROSECUTOR! *Insert snapping of whip*. I have a desire for power.

Spent the obligatory 8 hours at the office, did some dishes, did some playing with the evil kitten, did some reading of the current book (The Lost Symbol).

The most heartbreaking part of the day? Calling the vet. Yes, indeed, my kitten is ready to get her shots, have her baby-makin' parts removed, and her front claws. I know people don't approve; but they aren't in my situation. They don't see Mei Mei scratching the eyes out of my helpless clawless adult kitty (she was declawed when I adopted her). They don't know what it's like to have a crazy kitten come flying from one end of the house and throwing herself at my bare legs, grabbing on with her claws. Yes, I feel bad for my baby; but it must be done. Her first physical is tuesday. If she's ready, we'll make an appointment for her surgeries. My lil'
guppy is growing up!

Oh, one last thing. This is the place I'm just gonna be brutally honest, because I need to be.

Scale says - 211 lbs. Dang it.


  1. Amy Jo! You stinker, lurking for two months LOL! I thought about you the other day, and thought that I would just never hear from you again. Oh my, I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT CHINA. I want to know about what's been happening in your life. I guess I'll just have to tune into your blog and hopefully I'll hear over time. I was glad to hear you say the word 'hubby...'

    And cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster. That's not a binge. That's just good common sense LOL. I CANNOT resist those things. And their baked potato is also one of my most favorite things from my former life. Your picture looks great. Okay I have to stop because Mr. You-know-who is demanding a little time...

  2. Amy Jo - I have been doing the same thing - days where well over half my calories all came from ONE meal! And I just think...I did all right today but it could have been fantastic if I just hadn't had....whatever it was.

    But more often than not these things are so delicious they're worth it, and I hope you are totally giving yourself credit for eating SO WELL the rest of the day!!